Thursday, September 28, 2006

Little Boots 
The Emperor has no clothes but the Senate is going to vote Bush dictatorial powers and make so many things punishable by death that even a Caesar might blush.
Let's see now:
Sec. 950zz. Improperly using a distinctive emblem
`Any person subject to this chapter who intentionally uses a distinctive emblem recognized by the law of war for combatant purposes in a manner prohibited by the law of war shall be punished as a military commission under this chapter may direct.
Flags are a distinctine emblem. Off with their heads!
Sec. 950fff. Wrongfully aiding the enemy`Any person subject to this chapter who, in breach of an allegiance or duty to the United States, knowingly and intentionally aids an enemy of the United States, or one of the co-belligerents of the enemy, shall be punished as a military commission under this chapter may direct.
How many times has the Chimperor accused Democrats of aiding those who would harm us? Off with their heads!
Sec. 950iii. Contempt`A military commission under this chapter may punish for contempt any person who uses any menacing word, sign, or gesture in its presence, or who disturbs its proceedings by any riot or disorder.
Oh that meanie, he flipped the bird at the Bush junta. Off with his head!

What do our learned Senators say about ex post facto laws and applying habeas corpus?
(b) Effective Date- The amendments made by subsection (a) shall take effect on the date of the enactment of this Act, and shall apply to all cases, without exception, pending on or after the date of the enactment of this Act which relate to any aspect of the detention, transfer, treatment, trial, or conditions of detention of an alien detained by the United States since September 11, 2001.
I missed the Consitutional amendment that said laws that mention Sep 11th get a pass on ex post facto...

Interestingly enough, on the day the Senate is getting ready to rip the guts out of the consitution their home page has "We the People" Celebrating the Constitution

Monday, September 25, 2006

Like The News Only Sooner 
New Junta Rules for boarding airplanes with liquids:
After clearing security, travelers can now bring beverages and other items purchased in the secure boarding area on-board aircraft.
No one could have imagined the war on soda™ was a trick to boost sales.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Shooting Fish In A Barrel (Part 3) 
The Torturer in Chief said on the radio today:
I spoke about a more hopeful world that is within our reach -- a world beyond terror1, where ordinary men and women are free to determine their own destiny2,where the voices of moderation are empowered3, and where the extremists are marginalized4 by the peaceful majority5.

1Shock and Awe not included.
2Offer void when invaded.
3Like all the voices of moderation heard on Sunday morning talk shows!
4Like on Fox "News"!
5Unless Bush declares them part of a focus group.

Junta Rules! 
Hewlett Packard fires boss for illegal spying. Congress votes new torture powers for admitted illegal wiretapper George Bush.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Gentle Readers 
I regret to say I will now be more rude than the Rude Pundit and mention anal penetration more often than Anne Marie Cox. George Lakoff was on the right track when he described the difference between liberals and conservatives but he may have been too cerebral about their differences when talking about strong fathers, etc.
The basic difference between liberals and conservatives isn't the presence of a Cleaver family stern father. I think it is simpler than that. My theory explains why liberals support gay marriage and why conservatives support torture. Conservatives are against gay marriage because it involves consensual anal penetration and conservatives support Bush's torture because it involves forced anal penetration. It seems to always boil down to potty training...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Winning Hearts And Minds 
Via Cursor, we see that Corpwatch writes:
About a dozen propaganda and psyops specialists met at Cliveden, Berkshire, last week to discuss how America and its allies can use strategic communications more effectively in the War on Terror

Meanwhile, we are told that:
Army intelligence officers say they predicted before the offensive began this summer that militants in Baghdad would make use of children. As expected, the harassment started with small groups of youngsters throwing stones, then escalated into bigger groups of children hurling larger rocks and even pieces of cement blocks.

So I have a question. Is that before or after the the insurgent children dump Iraqi babies from incubators in hospitals?

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Talk Like A Pirate 
Which pirate said,
I took major steps to improve investor and employee confidence. Implementing my management style of over 30 years, I solicited recommendations from employees. I wanted to get everyone’s best ideas in order to make the company even stronger. That being said, I believed and still believe that the fundamentals of our core businesses—our wholesale business, our retail business, and our pipeline business—were very strong.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Fact Check, Please 
To be historically accurate for Bush to commemorate September 11th wouldn't he have to show up on September 12th14th?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The News You Won't See 
We go now to a live feed of George Bush commemorating the 9/11 attacks at Ground Zero.
Tape plays of Bush strumming guitar while New Orleans drowns.
Oops, sorry, wrong tape. We go now to Ground Zero.
Bush at press conference:
...Let me finish. There are some who feel like the conditions are such that they can attack us there. My answer is, bring 'em on
Oops, wrong press conference. We go now to the site of the most horrific attacks on American soil.
Bush at a press conference:
I just talked to Leader Daschle. His office received a letter, and it had anthrax in it. The letter was field tested. The staffers that have been exposed are being treated. The powder that had been field tested is now, obviously, going to the CDC lab.

No, we are supposed to show the terror attacks that look spectacular.
Tape of news reader :
The White House approves of the Republican congressional campaign committee's plan to use a photograph of President Bush taken on September 11 as part of a GOP fundraising effort, a move Democrats call "nothing short of grotesque."

For Christ's sake! Can't you get anything right, we are supposed to show footage that makes George Bush look heroic!
Tape runs of Condoleezza Rice :
I believe the title was, "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States."

Tape plays of Bush at press conference:
And, again, I don't know where he is. I -- I'll repeat what I said. I truly am not that concerned about him.

Tape of Bush golfing:
Now watch this drive.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Shooting Fish In A Barrel* Part 2 
In this week's two minute hate, Bush says:
So this week I announced that the men we believe orchestrated the 9/11 attacks had been transferred to Guantanamo Bay. And I called on Congress to pass legislation creating military commissions to try suspected terrorists for war crimes. As soon as Congress acts to authorize these military commissions, we will prosecute these men and send a clear message to those who kill Americans: No matter how long it takes, we will find you and bring you to justice.

So we will bring terrorists to justice by not giving them a fair trial? Bush wants new laws to convict terrorists? What is wrong with the old laws? By the way, maybe someone should tell aWol and Abu Gonzalez that Congress can't pass ex post facto laws.

Isn't Bush a flip-flopper, maybe even sending mixed messages? For the anniversary of him being asleep at the wheel he now says, "No matter how long it takes, we will find you and bring you to justice." Not that long ago he said he wasn't concerned about bin Laden. Has Bush been reading the poll numbers he says he ignores?

Here is an edited version of the actions he took this week in the war on terra:
So this week I've given a series of speeches ... On Tuesday in Washington, I described in the terrorists own words what they believe... On Wednesday at the White House, I described for the first time a CIA program we established ...On Thursday in Atlanta, I delivered a progress report ... The war on terror will be long and difficult, and more tough days lie ahead.
Osama must be trembling in his cave. What speech will George Bush give next?

*With apologies to any of Cheney's shooting victims.

Osama bin Laden / Saddam Hussein Link Found! 
Walter Neff over at Eschaton said, "You can link Kevin Bacon to Al-Qaeda quicker than you can make the Saddam connection."

Actually, you need Kevin Bacon to make the Saddam Hussein/Osama bin Laden connection:
Osama bin Laden / Arnold Schwarzenegger in Martial Law 9/11: Rise of the Police State
Arnold Schwarzenegger / Kevin Bacon in Retrosexual: The 80's
Kevin Bacon / Saddam Hussein in Live from Baghdad

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Shooting Fish In A Barrel* 
In this week's two minute hate (also known as George Bush's radio address):
We're approaching the fifth anniversary of the September the 11th attacks -- and since that day, we have taken the fight to the enemy.

USA Today reported, "In 2002, troops from the 5th Special Forces Group who specialize in the Middle East were pulled out of the hunt for Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan to prepare for their next assignment: Iraq."
Yet this war is more than a military conflict; it is the decisive ideological struggle of the 21st century.
There is no better way to win an ideological struggle then to bomb your targets into submission.
On one side are those who believe in freedom and moderation -- the right of all people to speak, worship, and live in liberty. On the other side are those driven by tyranny and extremism -- the right of a self-appointed few to impose their fanatical views on all the rest.
The inventor of "free speech zones" in the US, who has handpicked by 5 Republican judges thinks he is the opposite of tyranny and extremism?
We did not ask for this war
I guess we are supposed to pretend we never heard of the Downing Street Memo.
* No relation to shooting old lawyers in the face.

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